Due to my tardy postings over the last few months, there are some funny things I've experienced this year with Holly that I haven't managed to write about. However, there is one event that happened over the summer that I must share with you before the year's out.
Mum, Holly and I went for a picnic back in June. To help with Holly's fitness, Mum and I had been trying to teach her the concept of running to catch a ball, picking it up in her mouth and bringing it back - you know, standard labrador stuff - something Holly can't seem to grasp! On this lovely sunny day and few months ago, we arrived at our picnic site and put all our bags down on the bench. Then Mum, me and madam all decided to line up in a row in preparation for me throwing the ball.
I said to Holly, 'Granny and I will show you how it's done and all three of us can run for the ball and have a wee competition to see who reaches it first' - why on earth I thought she'd understand this, I don't know. Knowing Holly, she probably understood perfectly well but thought, that's far too much like hard work.
So with the three of us lined up in a row, I hurled the ball as far as I could. Mum and I shot off as fast as two people in their mid forties and early eighties could after the ball, eagerly anticipating Holly following us enthusiastically. As we bounded forwards as fast as we could following the ball, we suddenly realised there was no sign of Holly.
As we darted forward trying to teach our pupil the art of 'fetch' she had promplty turned on her heal (or was it paw) and hotfooted it back in the opposite direction and made her way back to the picnic and was merrily tucking in to her own private feast as mum and I ran into the distance desperately re-enacting a game of fetch to no avail!
It really was one of the funniest things. Mum and I must have looked so daft and Her Ladyship incredibly proud of herself. It would have provided great amusement to anyone watching!
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Poor Holly’s been through the mill lately. A couple of days last week she seemed rather preoccupied with her bottom. Since dogs always seem to have a fascination with their rear ends, I didn’t really think much of it. However, very suddenly on Thursday, a very large, red and swollen absess type lump appeared on her bottom and this sent us straight down to the vets as soon as we could get an appointment. The vet took one look at it and told me to bring her in first thing in the morning, so that they could operate on her.
Now, from day 1 since Holly came to stay with me, she has been quite a special needs doggy. Her main issues were always her weight and her underactive thyroid, but getting her speyed was always going to be a priority some point down the line. However, the vet always refused to carry out this op until her weight came down as giving her the anaesthetic would be far too dangerous while she was the size she was. Even having lost 22kg and come down to 40kg, she is still too heavy and any op would be too high risk. Her target weight was set at 38kg.
So, to suddenly be faced with having to get her operated on, I was thrown into turmoil. What was the right decision for her? Was I handing her a death sentence by agreeing to let the vets operate on her? She was utterly dependant on me to make the right decision for her. It was a dreadful time. All sorts of scenarios (most of them bad!) played out in my head as I tried to make the right decision. However, I had to trust that the vets knew exactly what they were doing and that an operation was in Holly’s best interests.
I felt like a total muppet when I dropped her off at the vets in the morning as I promptly burst into tears! Then coming back into the house and she wasn’t there, was just horrendous. Oh, how we do come attached to our furry friends! I don’t know how I managed to get through the first lesson of that day, but thankfully the vet phoned me as soon as the operation was over. He said Her Ladyship was lying at his feet feeling a bit sorry for herself, but everything had gone really well and she was a ‘hardy lass’! Thankfully I got her home around 3pm and never left her side for a good while after that. Mind you, as soon as she got home, she plodded into the kitchen looking for food, so I took that as a good sign!
She bounced back incredibly quickly and I’m happy to say, is now back to her cheeky self and suitably milking all the extra care and attention for what it’s worth. Apart from having a bald bottom and looking a bit like a pin cushion from the injections and blood tests, she is almost back to her full glory.
I on the other hand, feel permanently traumatised and hope I don’t have to go through that again for a long time! I have told the vet that when she goes in to be spayed, they’ll have to give the drugs to me rather than her, and have a steady supply of valium to hand! I’ve never been so grateful just to get to the end of the week and still have my beautiful Holly.
Now, from day 1 since Holly came to stay with me, she has been quite a special needs doggy. Her main issues were always her weight and her underactive thyroid, but getting her speyed was always going to be a priority some point down the line. However, the vet always refused to carry out this op until her weight came down as giving her the anaesthetic would be far too dangerous while she was the size she was. Even having lost 22kg and come down to 40kg, she is still too heavy and any op would be too high risk. Her target weight was set at 38kg.
So, to suddenly be faced with having to get her operated on, I was thrown into turmoil. What was the right decision for her? Was I handing her a death sentence by agreeing to let the vets operate on her? She was utterly dependant on me to make the right decision for her. It was a dreadful time. All sorts of scenarios (most of them bad!) played out in my head as I tried to make the right decision. However, I had to trust that the vets knew exactly what they were doing and that an operation was in Holly’s best interests.
I felt like a total muppet when I dropped her off at the vets in the morning as I promptly burst into tears! Then coming back into the house and she wasn’t there, was just horrendous. Oh, how we do come attached to our furry friends! I don’t know how I managed to get through the first lesson of that day, but thankfully the vet phoned me as soon as the operation was over. He said Her Ladyship was lying at his feet feeling a bit sorry for herself, but everything had gone really well and she was a ‘hardy lass’! Thankfully I got her home around 3pm and never left her side for a good while after that. Mind you, as soon as she got home, she plodded into the kitchen looking for food, so I took that as a good sign!
She bounced back incredibly quickly and I’m happy to say, is now back to her cheeky self and suitably milking all the extra care and attention for what it’s worth. Apart from having a bald bottom and looking a bit like a pin cushion from the injections and blood tests, she is almost back to her full glory.
I on the other hand, feel permanently traumatised and hope I don’t have to go through that again for a long time! I have told the vet that when she goes in to be spayed, they’ll have to give the drugs to me rather than her, and have a steady supply of valium to hand! I’ve never been so grateful just to get to the end of the week and still have my beautiful Holly.
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Again the months are whizzing by. I can’t believe we’re into August already. I must report on Her Ladyship’s latest success as I feel it deserves marking. She was at Doggy Weightwatchers again on Monday and has finally got below 40kg. She weighed in at 39.6kg making a massive weight loss of just under 23kg. She’s even made the front page of one of our local papers and is now quite the celebrity. Let’s hope it doesn’t go to her head too much.
To be honest, her weight loss this month was nothing short of miraculous as she raided the fridge last week. I came home from work to find the contents of the fridge strewn out over the kitchen floor and Holly paw deep in a variety of goodies with a very guilty look on her face. Needless to say, the pursuing row and ticking off had little effect on madam muck and she just ended up looking very pleased with herself.
However, the strange thing was the evidence at the scene of the crime didn’t really add up. The inside of the fridge was soaking and a bottle of sparkling water in the inside door was split. On further investigation, it dawned on me that I think it was actually my fault all along. The evening before, I’d had friends round and I’d put a bottle of sparking water in the freezer to chill and stupidly forgot to take it out. The next day, I took it out, completely frozen and put it in the fridge to defrost while I was at work. However, I think what must have happened was when it melted the top blew off and the bottle split, hence the fridge door flying open. So although it wasn’t actually Holly’s fault, she certainly took full advantage of the situation!
I did feel very guilty at falsely accusing Her Ladyship, but in my defence she was the prime suspect at the scene of the crime, with a history of misdemeanours to her name and looking very guilty, so you can understand the miscarriage of justice on this occasion!
To be honest, her weight loss this month was nothing short of miraculous as she raided the fridge last week. I came home from work to find the contents of the fridge strewn out over the kitchen floor and Holly paw deep in a variety of goodies with a very guilty look on her face. Needless to say, the pursuing row and ticking off had little effect on madam muck and she just ended up looking very pleased with herself.
However, the strange thing was the evidence at the scene of the crime didn’t really add up. The inside of the fridge was soaking and a bottle of sparkling water in the inside door was split. On further investigation, it dawned on me that I think it was actually my fault all along. The evening before, I’d had friends round and I’d put a bottle of sparking water in the freezer to chill and stupidly forgot to take it out. The next day, I took it out, completely frozen and put it in the fridge to defrost while I was at work. However, I think what must have happened was when it melted the top blew off and the bottle split, hence the fridge door flying open. So although it wasn’t actually Holly’s fault, she certainly took full advantage of the situation!
I did feel very guilty at falsely accusing Her Ladyship, but in my defence she was the prime suspect at the scene of the crime, with a history of misdemeanours to her name and looking very guilty, so you can understand the miscarriage of justice on this occasion!
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Her Ladyship and I enjoyed a little light entertainment last week. For longer than I can remember, I’d been meaning to get one of these fire safety checks done that you see advertised on the television. I think I tend to lean towards the obsessive compulsive when it comes to making sure everything is switched off before I go out or before bedtime. I have become particularly prone to this behaviour since Holly has graced the house with her presence. Ten years working in animal welfare, unfortunately often means my mind dwells on awful things that could happen to her and the worry of fire when I’m out is most definitely one of them.
I was chatting about how to go about organising a safety check with one of my pupils, whose father happens to be a local fireman, ‘ Oh don’t worry’, she exclaimed, ‘my dad will do that for you.’ Wonderful, I thought, that’s that sorted. Having always had a penchant for men in uniform and in particular, knights in shining armour who wouldn’t think twice about rescuing you from a burning house, I jokingly said ‘ Do you think he’ll bring the fire engine?’ followed by ‘Do you think he could bring the whole crew?’ before I pulled myself together and gave myself a gentle reminder that this was a serious matter! The arrangements were made and a date was set for 7pm to following Wednesday.
After a week of furious housework, Wednesday 7pm came and went and no ring of the doorbell. As I sat mildly disappointed, it dawned on me that they must have had a call out, after all, they do have a few things more important to do that check my windows and doors. Not to worry, I could always rearrange.
Imagine my delight, when a couple of minutes later, a big, shiny red fire engine drew up outside my door and as if that wasn’t excitement enough, three strapping firemen, all kitted up, piled out of the magnificent machine. ‘Nothing like a fire engine and a few firemen to brighten up a lady’s evening’ I said to Holly as if she understood the significance of the moment! Goodness knows what the neighbours were thinking.
All joking aside, they did a tremendous job. Gave me lots of valuable advice and fitted two new smoke detectors with ten year batteries, free of charge. An extremely worthwhile exercise.
As I was chatting to the fireman who was the father of my pupil, and trying very hard to maintain an air of professionalism whilst surrounded by firemen and as I thought I was going to faint, we discussed escape routes should the worst happen.
I expressed my concerns to him about what would happen if there was a fire when I was out and Holly was trapped in the house. I said ‘I know I don’t have any right to asked you to risk your life to save my dog, but would you?!’ ‘Oh don’t worry’ he replied ‘We rescue dogs all the time’ heart pounding, and verging on a swooning state, the words ‘my hero’ floated around in my head, ‘Mind you’ he continued ‘I might need to get one of the lads to give her a firemans lift, she’s a big girl!’
That’s it. I’m now officially jealous of my dog.
As these knights in shining armour, left my living room, I followed them out with Holly to go for our evening walk. I had to give myself a swift kick, to stop myself from asking if I could have a shot in the fire engine. It’s funny how you never really grow up when it comes to these things.
So, as we nonchalantly waived them off, thinking, this’ll get the neighbours talking, Holly and I enjoyed our evening stroll, knowing we would sleep a bit more soundly that night, safe in the knowledge that we have a wonderful local fire department.
I was chatting about how to go about organising a safety check with one of my pupils, whose father happens to be a local fireman, ‘ Oh don’t worry’, she exclaimed, ‘my dad will do that for you.’ Wonderful, I thought, that’s that sorted. Having always had a penchant for men in uniform and in particular, knights in shining armour who wouldn’t think twice about rescuing you from a burning house, I jokingly said ‘ Do you think he’ll bring the fire engine?’ followed by ‘Do you think he could bring the whole crew?’ before I pulled myself together and gave myself a gentle reminder that this was a serious matter! The arrangements were made and a date was set for 7pm to following Wednesday.
After a week of furious housework, Wednesday 7pm came and went and no ring of the doorbell. As I sat mildly disappointed, it dawned on me that they must have had a call out, after all, they do have a few things more important to do that check my windows and doors. Not to worry, I could always rearrange.
Imagine my delight, when a couple of minutes later, a big, shiny red fire engine drew up outside my door and as if that wasn’t excitement enough, three strapping firemen, all kitted up, piled out of the magnificent machine. ‘Nothing like a fire engine and a few firemen to brighten up a lady’s evening’ I said to Holly as if she understood the significance of the moment! Goodness knows what the neighbours were thinking.
All joking aside, they did a tremendous job. Gave me lots of valuable advice and fitted two new smoke detectors with ten year batteries, free of charge. An extremely worthwhile exercise.
As I was chatting to the fireman who was the father of my pupil, and trying very hard to maintain an air of professionalism whilst surrounded by firemen and as I thought I was going to faint, we discussed escape routes should the worst happen.
I expressed my concerns to him about what would happen if there was a fire when I was out and Holly was trapped in the house. I said ‘I know I don’t have any right to asked you to risk your life to save my dog, but would you?!’ ‘Oh don’t worry’ he replied ‘We rescue dogs all the time’ heart pounding, and verging on a swooning state, the words ‘my hero’ floated around in my head, ‘Mind you’ he continued ‘I might need to get one of the lads to give her a firemans lift, she’s a big girl!’
That’s it. I’m now officially jealous of my dog.
As these knights in shining armour, left my living room, I followed them out with Holly to go for our evening walk. I had to give myself a swift kick, to stop myself from asking if I could have a shot in the fire engine. It’s funny how you never really grow up when it comes to these things.
So, as we nonchalantly waived them off, thinking, this’ll get the neighbours talking, Holly and I enjoyed our evening stroll, knowing we would sleep a bit more soundly that night, safe in the knowledge that we have a wonderful local fire department.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
Well Happy New Year to you all. That’s another festive season whizzed by in a blurr of tinsel, parties and mince pies. Oh….and snow. Snow, snow and more snow. Never in the 14 years I’ve lived in Tranent have I seen anything like this. I have been on holiday since the 20th December and it has snowed pretty much every day. I am due to start back at work tomorrow and judging by the fact that my neighbour has just had to dig her car out, I don’t hold much hope that I’ll get the car out the driveway, never mind get it on the roads to attempt to teach. It is causing me to have a mild panic to say the least, as having gone 2 ½ weeks without income, I really need to get back to work!
Christmas day went well, spent with mum and Holly – although she was a bit naughty – Holly, not mum!! I think the excitement of Christmas and opening her pressies was a bit overwhelming for her. I let her open one of her presents before we went to pick up her granny but that was a big mistake. She then took it upon herself to open all the rest of the presents under the tree and that kind of set the tone for her behaviour for the rest of the day. Poor Holly, no wonder she was a little miffed. Her Christmas dinner consisted of half a raw carrot as mum and I tucked into a succulent three course meal of pure fat and calories and Her Ladyship shrivelled away to a skeleton in the corner looking suitably pathetic!
Holly’s walks became quite a challenge, given the dreadful weather. I was up to my calves in snow and she was up to her belly. I think she wondered where all the grass had gone and was a bit bemused as to where to deliver her Christmas offerings. However, all the hard work sticking to her diet and all the plodding through the snow has paid off. She had her first visit of the year to doggy weight watchers yesterday and she has lost another 900grams and a further 2cm off her waist. She is now down from 62kg to 44.1kg and with her target weight set at 38kg there is a little light at the end of the tunnel. All of a sudden, she seems able to do much longer walks and is now managing 2,3 and 4 mile walks with relative ease and not too many ill effects.
Hopefully Holly’s ability to do longer walks now will be really good for both of us and our continued efforts with weight loss. I managed the gym 6 times over Christmas and New Year (aren’t I self righteous!) which included two sessions with Tarzan, so hopefully I’ve worked off a few of the mince pies by now. I must admit, I’m starting the new year and the new decade feeling pretty fit and healthy. Just got to get back to work and give the finances a bit of an injection. Once that’s done, dare I say it, but we’ve both got the year off to a pretty good start.
I’m not a great lover of New Year Resolutions as I often feel it’s just setting yourself up for failure and come February, you’ve failed at every single one of them and are feeling downright miserable! However, I have set myself a few goals this year which I am pretty determined to achieve. I want to lose another 3 stone, I want to get Holly to lose the last 6kg and I would like to try and do a parachute jump to celebrate once I’ve achieved these things. It would have to be a tandem jump as I’d be too scared to do it on my own – and at least I’d have company as I plummeted to my death. Also and another great incentive to keep the diet going, there is a weight limit for the tandem jump and let’s face it, I don’t want to leave too big a crater when I hit the ground!
That’s the plan……plenty time to change my mind though!
So….here’s to 2010 and a great year for one and all.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL FROM ME AND HOLLY
Christmas day went well, spent with mum and Holly – although she was a bit naughty – Holly, not mum!! I think the excitement of Christmas and opening her pressies was a bit overwhelming for her. I let her open one of her presents before we went to pick up her granny but that was a big mistake. She then took it upon herself to open all the rest of the presents under the tree and that kind of set the tone for her behaviour for the rest of the day. Poor Holly, no wonder she was a little miffed. Her Christmas dinner consisted of half a raw carrot as mum and I tucked into a succulent three course meal of pure fat and calories and Her Ladyship shrivelled away to a skeleton in the corner looking suitably pathetic!
Holly’s walks became quite a challenge, given the dreadful weather. I was up to my calves in snow and she was up to her belly. I think she wondered where all the grass had gone and was a bit bemused as to where to deliver her Christmas offerings. However, all the hard work sticking to her diet and all the plodding through the snow has paid off. She had her first visit of the year to doggy weight watchers yesterday and she has lost another 900grams and a further 2cm off her waist. She is now down from 62kg to 44.1kg and with her target weight set at 38kg there is a little light at the end of the tunnel. All of a sudden, she seems able to do much longer walks and is now managing 2,3 and 4 mile walks with relative ease and not too many ill effects.
Hopefully Holly’s ability to do longer walks now will be really good for both of us and our continued efforts with weight loss. I managed the gym 6 times over Christmas and New Year (aren’t I self righteous!) which included two sessions with Tarzan, so hopefully I’ve worked off a few of the mince pies by now. I must admit, I’m starting the new year and the new decade feeling pretty fit and healthy. Just got to get back to work and give the finances a bit of an injection. Once that’s done, dare I say it, but we’ve both got the year off to a pretty good start.
I’m not a great lover of New Year Resolutions as I often feel it’s just setting yourself up for failure and come February, you’ve failed at every single one of them and are feeling downright miserable! However, I have set myself a few goals this year which I am pretty determined to achieve. I want to lose another 3 stone, I want to get Holly to lose the last 6kg and I would like to try and do a parachute jump to celebrate once I’ve achieved these things. It would have to be a tandem jump as I’d be too scared to do it on my own – and at least I’d have company as I plummeted to my death. Also and another great incentive to keep the diet going, there is a weight limit for the tandem jump and let’s face it, I don’t want to leave too big a crater when I hit the ground!
That’s the plan……plenty time to change my mind though!
So….here’s to 2010 and a great year for one and all.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL FROM ME AND HOLLY
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
I hate wallowing in self pity but I seem to have been doing a lot of it lately. No doubt like many people, money is really tight at the moment and the futures pretty scary. The bills come in quicker than I can pay them and my bank account feels like it’s haemorrhaging my hard earned cash.
There are a great deal of things I love about being self employed, working the hours I choose, only having myself to answer to and of course not being stuck in an office from dawn to dusk make a welcome change after 20 years of office work.
However, the financial insecurities that come with being self employed can weigh very heavily. Despite having a clear cancellation policy for pupils failing to show for their lessons, it can be very hard to enforce this at times and if I do, I often end up cutting off my nose to spite my face. I know the maximum hours I can safely work and I have calculated the minimum hours I have to work to make enough to pay my bills and I cut my coat according to my cloth if I have anything in between that. I usually overbook, working on the basis that I’ll get a certain percentage of cancellations but the minute I fall below the minimum hours I need, I immediately run at a loss with no way to recoup the money. This can lead to very stressful times and I’m sure many self employed workers have faced similar worries. Despite what the adverts say, driving instructors seldom get anywhere close to ‘earning £30000’.
Sadly, following my redundancy I accumulated a lot of debt simply trying to make ends meet and keep my home. Also with my impeccably good sense of timing, I got myself tied into a high rate fixed interest mortgage just before the market collapsed and interest rates plummeted. So, as many people mortgages tumbled, mine stayed high and indeed increased, being a stepped mortgage.
I would like to think I’m a fairly switched on person, and I don’t stick my head in the sand. I have addressed my money worries from every angle possible including requesting a payment holiday from my mortgage for a couple of months to allow me to save a little to downsizing to a one bedroom house. However, the former, I have been advised by my lender would be classed as mortgage arrears, something I am unwilling to have after 20 years of never missing a mortgage payment and the latter option, after putting down a deposit, would see me in a house the size of a shoebox, with the same size mortgage, and no savings, so in a nutshell, no better off. Needless to say, and no doubt like so many other people, I feel pretty trapped at the moment.
I don’t have much choice but to ride the storm for the next 18 months when my mortgage rate should come down, my credit card debt will have been reduced and hopefully, although I’m not holding my breath on this one, the cost of fuel will have come down, something on which I spend a fortune on a monthly basis.
It is no wonder people buckle under financial pressure and the worry it brings. I have never in my working life been so fraught about how I am going to generate enough income to pay my never ending monthly expenses. I absolutely loathe the fact that this worry seems to dominate ever waking moment and certainly a good few sleepless nights too! I hate that money or the lack of it is dictating what I can and can’t do, forcing me to turn down wedding and birthday invitations because I can’t find the money for a gift, never mind a new outfit. I feel mean and stingy and hate the thought that people will judge me on the currently financially crippled me rather than the generous person I have always been and loved being, up until this point.
I hate the fact that I wear the same clothes day in and day out because, to buy anything new, I would have to run up a store card – more debt. I hate the fact that I have two pairs of ‘work’ shoes, one that I can only wear on dry days because it has a great big hole in the sole and the other that is so run down at the heal that there is a stone chip from my driveway stuck in it! And worse than anything, I had Holly at the vet for her monthly checkup yesterday. The vet has recommended that she has some sessions in their new hydrotherapy pool to help her joints. I utterly loathe that anyone would ever accuse me of not doing everything I can to help Holly regain her health but at £20 per 15 minute session three times a week, I’ve got some pretty difficult decisions to make here.
Like I said, I hate wallowing in self pity and believe in or not, I do try hard to focus on the positives. At least I have clean drinking water and a warm bed at night which is more than a lot of people have. But I hate even more being in this rotten position at the moment, with what feels like, no way out.
Friday is September the 11th – the 8th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Centres in New York. The impact of watching these events unfold in front of me on the TV in my living room, will stay with me forever. The horror of helplessly watching as people fought for their lives and the trauma they and their loved ones must have endured that morning, will never leave me.
I watched one of the tribute programs shown on TV this week depicting the events of 9/11. It was a documentary with a lot of previously unseen footage. There was one shot, which showed the harrowing last minutes of one of the victims in the tower. He was hanging on to the outside of the building hundreds of stories up, half in and half out of the window with the flames and smoke raging behind him. It was devastating to watch.
There is no doubt, these are difficult times right now for many of us. There is seldom a minute in a day that I am not worrying about things. I am permanently exhausted, permanently stressed. I can’t afford to take a day off work, never mind go away on holiday and this is unlikely to change in the foreseeable future and goodness knows how I will deal with Christmas. I have so many dreams and so many goals I want to achieve and I can’t do any of them because of lack of money. I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. I am stagnating. I am living to work and I want to be working to live.
However, I must keep things in perspective. Until I am faced with the choice of jumping 100 floors to my death or being burned alive after simply turning up for a days work at the office, I really have nothing to complain about.
A depressing post I know, but perhaps, appropriately for this time, a reflective one for those who feel life is getting on top of them.
There are a great deal of things I love about being self employed, working the hours I choose, only having myself to answer to and of course not being stuck in an office from dawn to dusk make a welcome change after 20 years of office work.
However, the financial insecurities that come with being self employed can weigh very heavily. Despite having a clear cancellation policy for pupils failing to show for their lessons, it can be very hard to enforce this at times and if I do, I often end up cutting off my nose to spite my face. I know the maximum hours I can safely work and I have calculated the minimum hours I have to work to make enough to pay my bills and I cut my coat according to my cloth if I have anything in between that. I usually overbook, working on the basis that I’ll get a certain percentage of cancellations but the minute I fall below the minimum hours I need, I immediately run at a loss with no way to recoup the money. This can lead to very stressful times and I’m sure many self employed workers have faced similar worries. Despite what the adverts say, driving instructors seldom get anywhere close to ‘earning £30000’.
Sadly, following my redundancy I accumulated a lot of debt simply trying to make ends meet and keep my home. Also with my impeccably good sense of timing, I got myself tied into a high rate fixed interest mortgage just before the market collapsed and interest rates plummeted. So, as many people mortgages tumbled, mine stayed high and indeed increased, being a stepped mortgage.
I would like to think I’m a fairly switched on person, and I don’t stick my head in the sand. I have addressed my money worries from every angle possible including requesting a payment holiday from my mortgage for a couple of months to allow me to save a little to downsizing to a one bedroom house. However, the former, I have been advised by my lender would be classed as mortgage arrears, something I am unwilling to have after 20 years of never missing a mortgage payment and the latter option, after putting down a deposit, would see me in a house the size of a shoebox, with the same size mortgage, and no savings, so in a nutshell, no better off. Needless to say, and no doubt like so many other people, I feel pretty trapped at the moment.
I don’t have much choice but to ride the storm for the next 18 months when my mortgage rate should come down, my credit card debt will have been reduced and hopefully, although I’m not holding my breath on this one, the cost of fuel will have come down, something on which I spend a fortune on a monthly basis.
It is no wonder people buckle under financial pressure and the worry it brings. I have never in my working life been so fraught about how I am going to generate enough income to pay my never ending monthly expenses. I absolutely loathe the fact that this worry seems to dominate ever waking moment and certainly a good few sleepless nights too! I hate that money or the lack of it is dictating what I can and can’t do, forcing me to turn down wedding and birthday invitations because I can’t find the money for a gift, never mind a new outfit. I feel mean and stingy and hate the thought that people will judge me on the currently financially crippled me rather than the generous person I have always been and loved being, up until this point.
I hate the fact that I wear the same clothes day in and day out because, to buy anything new, I would have to run up a store card – more debt. I hate the fact that I have two pairs of ‘work’ shoes, one that I can only wear on dry days because it has a great big hole in the sole and the other that is so run down at the heal that there is a stone chip from my driveway stuck in it! And worse than anything, I had Holly at the vet for her monthly checkup yesterday. The vet has recommended that she has some sessions in their new hydrotherapy pool to help her joints. I utterly loathe that anyone would ever accuse me of not doing everything I can to help Holly regain her health but at £20 per 15 minute session three times a week, I’ve got some pretty difficult decisions to make here.
Like I said, I hate wallowing in self pity and believe in or not, I do try hard to focus on the positives. At least I have clean drinking water and a warm bed at night which is more than a lot of people have. But I hate even more being in this rotten position at the moment, with what feels like, no way out.
Friday is September the 11th – the 8th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Centres in New York. The impact of watching these events unfold in front of me on the TV in my living room, will stay with me forever. The horror of helplessly watching as people fought for their lives and the trauma they and their loved ones must have endured that morning, will never leave me.
I watched one of the tribute programs shown on TV this week depicting the events of 9/11. It was a documentary with a lot of previously unseen footage. There was one shot, which showed the harrowing last minutes of one of the victims in the tower. He was hanging on to the outside of the building hundreds of stories up, half in and half out of the window with the flames and smoke raging behind him. It was devastating to watch.
There is no doubt, these are difficult times right now for many of us. There is seldom a minute in a day that I am not worrying about things. I am permanently exhausted, permanently stressed. I can’t afford to take a day off work, never mind go away on holiday and this is unlikely to change in the foreseeable future and goodness knows how I will deal with Christmas. I have so many dreams and so many goals I want to achieve and I can’t do any of them because of lack of money. I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. I am stagnating. I am living to work and I want to be working to live.
However, I must keep things in perspective. Until I am faced with the choice of jumping 100 floors to my death or being burned alive after simply turning up for a days work at the office, I really have nothing to complain about.
A depressing post I know, but perhaps, appropriately for this time, a reflective one for those who feel life is getting on top of them.
Saturday, 18 July 2009
Where on earth is the time going? I promise it has not taken us two months to finish the walk! Holly managed around 2 miles as it was a very warm day. She raised a massive £600 for the bears, and has decided to put her paws up for a little rest before her next fundraiser.
It was quite an incredible week in the run up to the walk, with Her Ladyship appearing in no less than 5 local newspapers attracting headlines like ‘Hefty Holly sheds two stones to help the bears’ and ‘Portly Pooch pounds the pavement to raise funds for animals’. She even had three photoshoots and had to strike a number of poses in nearby fields. She did disgrace herself at one point true to form by squatting for a jumbo poo the minute the lens was on her but when a girls got to go, she’s got to go.
I thought I better not let the side down and since Holly was wearing her special pink ‘Princess’ collar, I thought I better smarten myself up a bit and put on a nice satin type blouse with dress trousers and a bit of lippy, hoping the photographers would take their photos in my newly designed and decorated patio. But no. Off to the overgrown, dandelion strewn fields we trotted.
One of the photographers had designed a makeshift ‘sponsor me’ sign with a bit of A4 paper and some thread to hang around Holly’s neck. She asked me to get Holly to sit down. I had to stand over her with a leg either side, holding her collar with one hand and stopping her bolting after a spaniel strolling nearby all while, holding the sign down to stop the wind blowing it, with my other hand and with me feeling a tad flustered, she then told me to keep my hair out of my eyes – how many hands did she think I had?!
Next the second photographer, wanted me to kneel down beside Holly so we were face to face. By this time Holly was getting thoroughly fed up with the Paparazzi, and bearing in mind, this was our local field where everyone walked their dogs to relieve their bowels and bladders, I was none to enamoured myself with the thought of having to kneel beside her. By this point however I think I was willing to do anything to get it over and done with as Holly the Diva really wasn’t cooperating any longer, so there I was, lying on the ground with Her Ladyship, in a poo riddled field, looking like I was dressed for dinner!
I think we both found this little venture into the world of the media slightly stressful but it was worth it if we could help the bears and raise awareness of the terrible practice of bear farming in China.
I just wanted to up date this part of the blog in case any of you kind sponsors and supporters of Holly’s efforts were worried that she was still wandering around Arthur’s Seat two months after she set off!
We’ve had a lot of ventures since the sponsored walk including our first holiday together so a further update and more adventures are to follow …..
It was quite an incredible week in the run up to the walk, with Her Ladyship appearing in no less than 5 local newspapers attracting headlines like ‘Hefty Holly sheds two stones to help the bears’ and ‘Portly Pooch pounds the pavement to raise funds for animals’. She even had three photoshoots and had to strike a number of poses in nearby fields. She did disgrace herself at one point true to form by squatting for a jumbo poo the minute the lens was on her but when a girls got to go, she’s got to go.
I thought I better not let the side down and since Holly was wearing her special pink ‘Princess’ collar, I thought I better smarten myself up a bit and put on a nice satin type blouse with dress trousers and a bit of lippy, hoping the photographers would take their photos in my newly designed and decorated patio. But no. Off to the overgrown, dandelion strewn fields we trotted.
One of the photographers had designed a makeshift ‘sponsor me’ sign with a bit of A4 paper and some thread to hang around Holly’s neck. She asked me to get Holly to sit down. I had to stand over her with a leg either side, holding her collar with one hand and stopping her bolting after a spaniel strolling nearby all while, holding the sign down to stop the wind blowing it, with my other hand and with me feeling a tad flustered, she then told me to keep my hair out of my eyes – how many hands did she think I had?!
Next the second photographer, wanted me to kneel down beside Holly so we were face to face. By this time Holly was getting thoroughly fed up with the Paparazzi, and bearing in mind, this was our local field where everyone walked their dogs to relieve their bowels and bladders, I was none to enamoured myself with the thought of having to kneel beside her. By this point however I think I was willing to do anything to get it over and done with as Holly the Diva really wasn’t cooperating any longer, so there I was, lying on the ground with Her Ladyship, in a poo riddled field, looking like I was dressed for dinner!
I think we both found this little venture into the world of the media slightly stressful but it was worth it if we could help the bears and raise awareness of the terrible practice of bear farming in China.
I just wanted to up date this part of the blog in case any of you kind sponsors and supporters of Holly’s efforts were worried that she was still wandering around Arthur’s Seat two months after she set off!
We’ve had a lot of ventures since the sponsored walk including our first holiday together so a further update and more adventures are to follow …..
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